I had a confusing childhood, a small school, one class per grade, and we were always with the same people. From Kindergarten to 8th grade, our class has been the same. We lost some along the way, but we gained students as well. You have to lose things to find new ones. Think about your childhood, was life like school? Did your teachers care about you? Did your friends really like you?
Life and school are two separate things for me. Growing up in an abusive home, with parents who use me as a way to get money, and no where to run away to. School wasn't much better, I was bullied because I am different, I am anti-social, and I like to keep quiet. I remember in Kindergarten, there was this one awful, mean, soulless boy, who liked to pick on my specifically, and he got a kick out of pushing me around like a punching bag. Every time I went to the red laundry basket, to put my lunch pale in, he would come up behind me and trip me. No one ever said anything or even cared. I didn't really care either, because it isn't like it happens everyday at home too.
I was the weird girl, and I knew it. I didn't care; I just wanted to be myself. Constantly told I wasn't a boy, not their son, not what mom and dad wanted, I began to express my masculinity. I would never wear makeup or dresses, I liked the dirt and bugs, I would play army with the boys at recess. At the time I didn't realize that this was my brain saying you are what you want. I was always a boy in my soul, but I was also a girl. I enjoyed doing my nails, playing with my hair, and playing house. This would confuse me as I approch my 8th grade Graduation...
Should I get a Green gown, like the boys? Some days I answer yes.
Should I get a White gown, like the girls? Some days I answer yes.
Confused as hell, this is my way of telling how I feel and why. Are you ready to be thrown into a dark pit of emptiness I call my head? Are you ready to feel my pain in your chest? Can you handle the story of my journey?